The Best Romance Advice: How to Love Yourself

The Best Romance Advice: How to Love Yourself

ben February 7, 2018 0

Seven things to do (besides dating more) that will improve your dating life.

The experts say that you’re more attractive when you appear to be engaged with the world, confident, and living a full life. Hence, a lot of dating advice out there today centers around the idea of self-love and just, well, having fun. And it makes total sense!

People like people who like themselves. The attraction of confidence goes both ways. So it stands to reason that reinvigorating your life by engaging in activities which give you a spark of energy will indeed make you more attractive to a potential partner. You don’t need to change anything big about yourself. Rather, finding ways to love your own life, engage with the world, and constantly grow, will only enhance what’s already there.

Romance, when it comes, will just be a happy side effect.

As we all know, though, you shouldn’t be doing things just to make yourself more attractive to a potential partner—that should only be a bonus result. (You definitely already knew that, though, right?) Instead, I encourage you to think of the following ideas as inspiration on your path to authentic self-love—and, hey, who is going to complain if it makes your dating life better, too?

01. Engage in daily activities that make you mindful.

As much as dating is a numbers game, it’s also a mental game. And when you’ve been single for a while, or had a string of bad experiences, it can be easy to slip into a more negative or even depressive thought pattern. When my attitude dips into “the hopeless sad place,” I have personally found yoga and meditation to be extremely helpful. These mindful exercises calm me down and make my body feel both strong and relaxed. My meditation practice is still a work in progress, but you’d be surprised how much happier, focused and purposeful your day will feel after 10 minutes of mindfulness. Others tell me that running and journaling are also ways that can make you more mindful and aware. While fast-paced culture can feel so overwhelming, there’s a lot of resources that can offer an abundance of options to practice slowing down and living in the moment.

02. Take a trip on your own.

In my life, few things have been as transformative as the trips I’ve taken alone. The radical independence that comes from planning, booking and enjoying a trip that is completely of your own design will permeate every part of your life. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive or even that long—a weekend away at an Airbnb two hours from your home could do it, as could a week in Costa Rica. How will this benefit your dating life? Well aside from the fact that you might meet a handsome stranger on your journey? You’ll have a reinforced sense of pride in your independence, and undoubtedly have great stories to tell on your next date!

03. Buy a few indoor plants or tend to your garden.

For those of us with a nurturing gene and a living situation that doesn’t allow for pets, plants can provide a much-needed outlet for your desire to care for… something. Also, studies have shown that plants in your home or office can improve productivity and concentration by up to 15 percent. Also key? Seeing greenery helps us feel more relaxed and calm. That’s good news all around, but just imagine how all those air-detoxifying leafy fronds and succulents might influence your swiping habits while you’re lounging on the couch on a random Sunday night!

04. Start learning (or relearning) a foreign language.

One of my dearest (and also single) friends just enrolled in French class, and I couldn’t be more jealous. We both studied the language in high school and college, and I like to think I’ve still got some of that je ne sais quoi going on. But the truth is, she’s the real bon vivant here. She’s told me that she feels like she’s reactivated a dormant part of her brain: the one that’s excited to learn, to study and to practice a skill. Now, not only is she engaged in an activity she’s passionate about, but she’s busier during the week (there’s homework!) and planning a solo trip to Paris where, who knows, she’ll be able to flirt with the locals . . .

05. Do a deep clean, purge your closet, and reorganize.

Again, dating is a mental game. And if you’re feeling cluttered, confused, lazy or lethargic in regards to your search for love—try clearing out something tangible, like your closet. Scrub your shower until it sparkles, purge all the clothes you’ve been meaning to donate, vacuum those rugs and buy one of the aforementioned houseplants. It’s amazing how refreshed and motivated you’ll feel, I promise. You’ll suddenly feel like you’re ready to welcome a new person into your life, simply because there’s less clutter and dust around you.

06. Host a party.

I’ve mentioned before that hosting a “single bring” party is a great way to meet dudes IRL. But if that idea still feels a little too forced to you (I get it), might I suggest just hosting a plain ol’ party with your favorite people? Why not gather everyone at your place in their best red, white and blue to watch the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, for example? Engaging socially with people you love, eating good food and celebrating will all make you shine. Making plans, feeling good, being busy—all these aspects of hosting a party will improve your confidence, boost your emotional health and also—IT’S FUN.

07. Refocus on a project at work.

I have always believed that when I am succeeding in work, I tend to succeed more in dating. Whether it’s conscious or subconscious—I’m not really sure, but after I secure a new client, get a raise, start a new project or otherwise up my career game—my dating life seems to fall in step. Something in my brain says to my heart, “You’re good at what you do, and that’s attractive.” I start to speak about my work, and everything else in my life, with energy and pride when I’m on a date. And in turn, my date gets an energy buzz from me, and we hit a happy, flirty vibe that usually leads to planning another date, or if not, at least a more positive outlook on dating.

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