Love Gone Wrong: The Most Insane Crazy Ex Stories You’ll Ever Hear

3. God is My Defense

Two years after I ended things, she attempted to contact me again. I wasn’t having it. After a few failed attempts, she sent another message that said, “You better find your God now because I’m going to murder you” Okay

4. Expecting A Lot

My ex somehow thought that taking her to a fancy dinner meant that I was going to propose to her. When it didn’t happen, it led to a downward spiral of cutting herself and at one point “attempting” to jump out of my car as I was driving.

She also once pretended to faint during an argument. It was super awkward.

5. Worst Three Weeks

I broke up with the girl on a Monday, but me being me, I tried to stay friends with her. When I broke up with her, she kept saying I needed to give her 6 more weeks for closure, and that I was her last chance at dating (she is 28).

On Friday she shows up, and says “ell0bo, I am going to let you go, but I want you to know I am pregnant”. The next day she calls me, saying she is going to the ER. Later that day I get a phone call, she says that it’s a tubular pregnancy and she needs to take the abortion pill (note, usually this requires surgery). She asked me if I would come over that night because she would need moral support. I felt obligated to go.

When I was there, I told her I was going to leave when she went to bed. She started to cry and said she was afraid she might hurt herself, so I needed to stay there. That freaked me out a bit, so I did. At night then she took my hand, put it on her belly and said “say goodbye”.

So, next day I woke up and got out, figure it was all over. That Monday I get a phone call, she says “I am still pregnant”. Apparently, according to her, she had had twins, and one had survived. I told her I wanted to go with her to her next doctor’s appointment, she said fine, it was Wed.

On Tuesday she messages me, tells me they had an opening so she went early. Asked if I wanted a picture, I said sure. She sent me one, and I looked at it. No information on it, so I asked her, and she said they emailed it to her. Made sense, they removed all identifiable information. Two days later, a friend with better google than me, took that picture and found it online, under someone else’s name. You could even see where parts of the image had elements removed.

I confronted her about it, she said she couldn’t believe I would believe her and my child would never know who I am. The next day she sent me an email saying the lawyer would be in touch. The next day then she sent me an email saying she was going to have the abortion, but I needed to pick her up and pay for it. 5 minutes later she sent me an email saying that if I didn’t respond, she would just keep the child.

I responded back saying that I had found the image, showed her the link, and said her story has about 1:500000 chance of being real, even without the fake image. I said if she continued to harass me, I would get protection from harassment.

Two weeks went by, I hear nothing. Then, I get a call at 6pm, from her home number. The girl, that sounds very much like her, says that she is her cousin, going to be her lawyer, and I need to call back. The only problem, that call back number was her home phone number, so obviously this is fake as well.

Oh, and this has been my last three weeks… so it’s prolly not even over.

6. Not Okay!

When I broke up with my ex, he became so hysterical that the only way he would “let” me leave him was if after the breakup we continued to be best friends. Not just any kind of best friend either, he wanted me to still come over for “sleepovers” and share his bed with him. He told me that any other guy I dated after him HAD TO BE 100% okay with this or else I couldn’t date him.

7. An Artful trick

My first boyfriend tried to convince me he had slashed his wrists because I wouldn’t take him back. The “blood” was very obviously catalina salad dressing…

8. That is Commitment

I remember this in hindsight.

At 21 I was dating with and living with a 20-year-old who had two parents who were involved in healthcare. We worked in healthcare. It was her ultimate goal to be an OB/GYN. She studied the vagina, birth, and women’s health even before she was done with her bachelors.

She had been diagnosed with irregular periods ages before we started dating. She was also on birth control. That didn’t stop her from taking a home pregnancy test every time her period was one or two days off. I once not so jokingly told her that if we had Native American names hers would be “Pees on Sticks”. She was obsessed with the idea that her BC wasn’t working and I had knocked her up. She was obsessed with taking a home pregnancy test at least once every month to two months.

Warning this part is NSFW/NSFL: Then one month she had a really horrible period where she passed a bunch of lining and bled a ton. Any girl who has really bad periods knows that when they pass a bunch of uterine lining during their period it’s pretty nasty. She insisted that she had just miscarried our unborn child. Refused to take a pregnancy test to confirm. Refused to acknowledge the fact that she had her period last month and if she had miscarried the zygote would be so tiny, she would never notice (mind you, her parents were both RNs and she read and watched everything about pregnancy and childbirth she could get her hands on). Refused to go to the doctor to get a blood test. (Most times when you miscarry there is enough HCG in the blood or urine that a pregnancy test ends up positive still.)

So, this girl who was absolutely obsessed with taking the home pee tests to the point we could have had stock in EPT refused to take a home pregnancy test. At all.

Nope. She insisted she had miscarried. So, she started mourning. Told her parents she had miscarried. Told all our mutual friends she had miscarried. And then made me feel bad because I didn’t grieve. She even named her period lining (a male name, because she knew it would have been a boy) and bought a special miscarriage remembrance necklace from some vendor online, so she could always wear it and never forget her poor miscarried uterine lining.

reddituser

9. You Think This Way?

One of my exes was convinced that I was cheating on her with both my mother and sister, so whenever I spent time alone with either of them, I was bombarded with text messages and phone calls. When my mother, sister, and I went on a family vacation to New York City, she was insistent that I sleep in the hotel’s fire escape because she thought I was going to sleep with them.

11. He Was 14

It actually began in a very weird way but, being as young as I was (14), ignored it because well, someone actually liked me. When I met him, we went to different schools, he went to a private school and I went to a public school. After a few months of pretty much just an AIM friendship he transferred to my school…first red flag. We started “dating” if you can even call it that at 14, and I started to notice him getting WAY too serious about it. He would talk about being together forever and going to college together. He would even scold me if I got a bad grade because I “might not get into college.” I realized how overwhelming he was and broke up with him. He was so embarrassed that he didn’t want to tell his parents, who he apparently tried to convince every day that we would be “together forever.” He wanted me to go to his house/out to dinner/etc. and pretend we were still together. I felt bad for hurting his feelings so, I did it for a little while. It all finally ended when I began seeing someone else…I told him that I was dating someone and he FREAKED out. He started crying and yelling at me ordering me to give back everything he ever gave me, telling me he wanted to kill himself, and then he pulled a painting out of his closet that I briefly mentioned liking. He said was going to give it to me after our 1-year wedding anniversary and I “ruined that.” That’s when I stopped feeling bad and I did not speak to him again. It was very scary.

noitsfine

12. Love Can Be Fatal

A girl I’d been seeing for a few months, I was 21 she was 24 and had a boy about 2 years old. She was basically normal, had a good job, took care of the kid ok. She was kind of a dim bulb though, not very bright. I was bored in the relationship and really didn’t want to become step-dad to the kid so I ended it. No prob.

Run into her a month or so later at a bar and we end up going back to her place for a night of ex-sex. Next morning, she makes coffee and breakfast, I go to school, she goes to work. I get incredibly sick on the way to school, throw up multiple times, make it to school still puking find the nurse/medical office and vaguely recall being loaded into an ambulance.

Come to the hospital. A doc tells me I OD’d on an enormous amount of meth and had about five minutes left to live before they figured it out. Oh, by the way there are some federal agents here to talk to you.

Turns out she had planned this whole thing and decided that if she couldn’t have me, no one could. She went to jail but got a reduced sentence for turning on the family member that was making and distributing the meth.

reddituser

13. Warrants Calling the Police

So, I was sitting on my front porch with this girl who lived down the block. We were hooking up after I had recently broken up with my psychotic drug addicted ex-girlfriend for cheating on me.

So, this silver car rolls by that I recognize as her (the ex’s) friends’ vehicle, and WHILE ITS ROLLING BY MY HOUSE the back door opens up and out rolls my screaming crying psycho ex. She hits the concrete at 10 mph and then jumps up with a baseball bat and starts screaming that she’s gonna kill the other chick. I put the other girl in my house and tried to calm her down. Only a threat of a police call got her to leave.

reddituser

14. A Wild Tale

I think I was around 18 years old, we’d been dating for about 8 months and I broke up with him because my parents were treating me differently and I didn’t like it. It put too much strain on both my bf and I, and my parents and I’s relationship and I couldn’t take it. Broke up with him one night and about a week later he showed up at my parent’s house wanting to talk to me. My mom answered the door, I didn’t want any part of it, so she told him to go away. He got belligerent and eventually left, so she called the police. He was pulled over and given a warning, then they let him be.

Dad was at work, mom took sister somewhere, and I was playing Mario Party 8 on my Wii at home. There was a knock at the back door and I look through the glass from the couch and he was there looking in trying to talk to me. Again, I didn’t want any part of it so I ignored him. He got mad and shouldered the door. The frame cracked. He did it again and the door burst open. I said, ‘What are you doing?’ and he grabbed me and put me over his shoulder and carried me outside. I figured he was just going to put me in the front seat and leave with me but then he popped the trunk of his car with the remote and I realized what was going to happen. I twisted a little, which surprised him, and he dropped me, but then he put me in a headlock where I couldn’t breathe and I stopped struggling. He tossed me in the trunk and shut it and drove off.

At this point, I was doing everything I could to get out of the trunk ((It was a Buick Le Sabre; the model which, of course, doesn’t have a way to open the trunk from the inside)) so I started kicking the back of the seats to get out. I eventually got one open enough to stick my head through to get some air. It was in August, and the temperatures outside were riding 95 degrees, so inside the trunk was about 110. I got my head out and could finally breathe. He had calmed down a bit, and I knew he just wanted to talk to me, so he didn’t really freak when I was able to climb into the backseat.

When he was putting me in the trunk, the neighbor kids were outside and they saw what was happening and ran inside to tell their parents. Parents called the police, police called my mom, and my mom was doing 95 down the highway to get home.

Ex-bf drove me an hour and a half away to an old camp he used to go to and we talked for a while. He then took me to Pizza Hut cause I said I was hungry. I remember wondering why no one was concerned that I was waiting for a pizza without shoes or socks on. Because no one said anything, I figured my parents hadn’t realized what had happened yet. Little did I know, an Amber Alert had already been issued.

Anyways, he decided he didn’t want to go to jail, so he was going back to his workplace/place of residence to get his shotgun. When he got there, the cops were waiting for him and tried to taser him. They missed and he jumped back in his car and did a backwards u-turn. He started driving through the city at speeds of 60-85 MPH.

If you’ve never been in a high speed police pursuit, let me tell you; it’s a rush. Sooooo much adrenaline.

Anyways, he was going to get on the highway but the police had it blocked off with spike strips so he turned onto a backroad that dead ended. He ended up crashing into a tree. ((I was in the front seat by this time.

The cops swarmed the car, pulled us both out, and since they didn’t realize who we were, cuffed us both and put us in separate cop cars. Once everything was situated, the un-cuffed me and put me in a police SUV and transported me back to the police station in my city. Parents and sister were there, freaked out, found out I was ok. The whole ordeal lasted around 10 hours. Ex got 4 years and is now out of jail in a half-way house.

15. Apologies For Your Loss

My ex broke my ps3 after I failed to tell her I was working late. She thought I was cheating. If we weren’t together, we had to be texting, 10 minutes without a text and I’d receive an angry phone call.

She was so shy it was lights off and I could only see her topless if she “felt it was right”. Everything I had got broken by her being mad at the silliest things.

I lost all my friends because she didn’t approve of them and eventually cut me off from them.

If she bought me lunch/food she would make sure I paid back in full later even though I always bought her everything. Same went with gifts, except if she spent x amount of $ on my present I would have to spend equal or more.

ImSuperSerialYouGuys

16. It Only Gets Worse

Ok so I use to date this girl in high school who would always tell me she was contemplating suicide – I thought it was serious at first but after a while, I realized she just wanted attention. She would “cut” herself by giving herself scratch marks on her arms and would then wear tank tops (in the middle of winter) and sit with her arms outstretched on the table so people could notice and make comments. Anyway, we broke up after a year but she only got crazier. She started dating a friend of mine a couple of years later and would stalk him. One of my favorite stories of his was when they got into a fight and didn’t talk for about a week. Apparently, she went to his house one day and was let in by my friend’s parents – she made up some story about waiting for him to come home so they could talk, etc. Anyway, she goes into his room and starts cutting up all his clothes with a pair of scissors she had brought with her and then left. Later on, that week when he was brushing his teeth, he said he bent over to spit out the toothpaste and when he stood up again, she was standing behind him looking at him in the mirror (like something out of a horror film) – then she ran out crying hysterically. After a few more of those “crazy” episodes of hers, my friend decided to cut her off completely.

But it gets worse.

Fast forward a couple of years later, my crazy ex is now dating another guy I know. They stay together for a while but soon he realizes that she’s nuts and decides to break up with her; only she won’t accept it. She waits outside his house every day and calls him constantly trying to talk to him. This goes on for a couple of weeks until he tells her to leave him alone and not talk to him anymore. She can’t handle it and the stalking continues. He gets on average 30-50 calls a day from her and literally hundreds of texts from the girl. She is always sitting outside his house, waiting for a chance to talk to him and it drives him to the point where he actually got a restraining order against her. A week later she broke into his home and he found her sitting on his couch waiting for him. He called the cops and they remove her from the property and she ends up having to spend the weekend in jail. But wait there’s more. She starts telling people she is pregnant and even goes with one of her cousins to get a sonogram. Twice! Both times the doctors tell her that she is NOT pregnant and that there is no baby. She tells everyone that they have no idea what they are talking about and that due to the fact that she has “brittle bone disease,” the baby actually got lodged up somewhere inside her rib cage and that is why they couldn’t see anything during the sonogram. Word of this gets out and now her friends have even given up trying to help her. The craziest part of this is that after a couple of weeks, she actually starts forming a belly! She even sends pics of her stomach to friends and family members to show them she’s really pregnant. But she’s not. Apparently, there is a psychological disorder where women can convince themselves that they are pregnant and start to show signs of being pregnant but they actually aren’t. Anyway, the last I heard she is “forcing” her family to throw her a baby shower in April and is due sometime later that month.

17. A Serious Issue

Not sure if crazy but this is the tale of how I broke myself.

One winter day I was with 3 of my friends and my girlfriend at the time. We were just hanging out at the local ghetto coffee shop just having some coffee to combat the harsh Canadian winter. Everything was fine and okay for a while then suddenly my girlfriend started to cry. Not like laughing too hard you cry. More like Mufasa dying kind of crying. So, like any other boyfriend, I turn to her and ask what was wrong.

She then turns to me and says these exact words: “There’s a hole in my doughnut.” My friends end up losing their collective s**t and are on the cold floor dying of laughter. One of them even had to run outside just to try to calm down since the very sight of her made him laugh harder. Now we go to me. When I heard that I froze. I didn’t react, I showed no expression, I didn’t say a word nor did I laugh. She effectively made me go brain-dead. I couldn’t even process anything for a good 10 minutes before replying. “It’s gonna be okay.”

18. Written Forever

I un-friend-zoned this guy once. During the first 4 weeks we were dating, he told me about how he was going to marry me, make me have his children, tried to force me to wear a string, started naming our future children, and also wanted to tattoo my name onto his chest. He couldn’t afford it, so he carved my name onto his arm with a knife instead. To this day, he still has my name there.

Lord_JenniiBear

19. Lovely Job of Lying

So, she and I had been having issues for about 2 years. It started out slow, like we’d fight once a month over stupid little things and sometimes big things. I figured it was normal growing pains of a relationship after a year. It kept getting worse though. She wanted to fight over every single little thing. I eventually told her I was going to get her an iPhone for her birthday. As a college student, I couldn’t afford a new one, but I wanted to get her a nice used iPhone 4 since the 5 had already come out and I could afford one.

Well, she freaked out asking if I thought she wasn’t good enough for the iPhone 5. These are the kinds of little things she wanted to fight about. If I told her I loved her 5 times that day she’d be upset that it wasn’t 6 times. I kid you not. Well, finally I’m fed up with it. So, I end up getting mad one day and just going home since I had a quiz to study for and some exams. I told her not to talk to me for a few days and let me figure things out on my own. That wasn’t good enough for her though, as she chose to keep emailing me and calling me and texting me. She messaged my siblings trying to find out what I was doing at all times (despite not living at home and them not knowing).

Finally, Sunday rolls around. I’m sick and tired of getting emails and texts and whatever. I end up finally picking one up to tell her to leave me alone because I hadn’t in a day or so and I was tired of my phone blowing up. I answer and say, “Hey.”

She responds, “coltsblazers, I think someone is chasing me.”

Then she hangs up. So, what would you do? Would you drive the 30 minutes out to her house to find her and make sure she’s, okay? Would you call the cops and give all her information, description, address, etc?

If you said yes, then you did exactly what I did. I started getting really creepy texts from her cell phone. Texts asking me, “DO YOU WANT HER BACK?” “SHE LOOKED LONELY.” I’m terrified that they’re going to kill her, beat her, rape her, all of the above. I’m driving 80 MPH on the back roads trying to get to her house from my school. I get a call from the cops asking me if I thought it, was a prank. All I could say was, “God, I hope not.”

I get to her town and I’m looking all around for her. She finally calls me and says they let her go. I tell her I’m in her town and ask her where she is. She just tells me not to worry about it and go home. I’m confused about it but keep pressing. She finally tells me where she is. I pick her up and say we’re going to talk to the cops. She tells me that she can’t and she wants to go home. Well, the cops are already at her home waiting for us when we get there. I’m terrified that they raped her or did some other horrible things to her.

The officer talks to her alone for about 15 minutes. Comes back to me and hands me his card asking me to call him when we’re done talking. So, I sit down with my girlfriend and ask her what happened. The first words out of her mouth were, “coltsblazers, would you be mad if I told you I lied?”

Eventually, she admitted she lied. I got up, had a few choice words, and left. Went back the following week to give her some of her stuff. Told her not to call me or email me or talk to me ever again. That’s right. She faked her own kidnapping.

20. Relationship on A Roller Coaster

I dated a guy for 5 years, from 16-23 and we moved to a larger city than where we had originally grown up. Eventually, the relationship deteriorated, and we parted ways, he stayed in the larger city while I had planned to move back to a smaller city. Long story short we were in limbo, chasing each other across Canada not wanting things to end.

I make the decision that the larger city is where I am going to call home, and I settle in while he moves back across the country to the smaller city. Once my mind was made up, and I gave him the decision that I would be seeing other men, he had memorized my passwords, logged into my accounts changed the password and told me that I wouldn’t see my accounts until I paid him the $400 I owed him from moving… the costs didn’t add up and I was furious. he was blackmailing me, and trying to manipulate and control me… scary stuff in hindsight. Either way, I told his mother, copying and pasting the conversation where he was calling me a s*ut and threatening me to his mother.

Within 20 minutes of sending the message, all my accounts were restored and we never spoke again…. it’s been 5 years.

reddituser

21. A Terrible Situation

Girl, I had thing for in high school and I start dating, the distance thing which is a mistake. Things are fine for a bit, she moves, tells me she’s working as a nurse, etc. Living with some friend of hers. I think this is all good. Then a couple of months later she tells me that she’s really scared. She thinks she’s pregnant. I have not had sex with her. I ask her what happened, she says she got drunk at a club and took a guy home. The condom broke. I’m pissed, but I’ve got it so bad for this girl I stay with her (I had it really bad).

A month or so later, she calls and says she wants to tell me “The truth.” The friend she had been living with was someone she had met online for the purpose of sex. Female friend, by the way. They moved in together and she started working for her friend’s business, not as a nurse. What did her friend do? Run an escort service. She had been working as an escort for the last few months. The pregnancy scare was not some drunken shenanigan at the club, that was one of her clients. This client, she told me, told her to keep it quiet cause his kid was upstairs napping, and to make it quick because his wife would be home soon. She then er*tic massaged him and f**ked him.

But wait, there’s more. I am in shock and tell her I’ll call her back. A friend of mine slaps some sense into me and tells me to never speak with her again, she’s just bad news. I call her and say I don’t want to talk to her anymore. I proceed to get dozens of calls and texts with the same message, “Pick up your phone or I am driving out to Kansas and I will kill you.” I didn’t, and I’m still here, so at least there’s that.

Finally, she told me years later that she was full-on lesbian and was using me as her beard anyway.

VadenKhale

22. What just happened?

We had been together for 4 years and were happily engaged, or so I thought. I came home to find a good deal of our shared things missing. Even worse, nearly everything else that wasn’t missing was burned, but not like the room was set on fire…the item was individually burned and then placed back in their spots. What the F right?

She came out of the kitchen irate, screaming about how she didn’t feel the same, that somehow our relationship had become strange to her. She was angry that neither of us was sticking to the rules that we had laid out together, and that she needed a full commitment. I was flabbergasted. I told her she’d never be able to find another guy who could reach her on the lever that I could, that could tell her just how I was feeling without words. I knew, somehow, I had to make her understand.

She paused and took a deep breath, and gave me the ring back. After staring at it in my open palm, she exploded into a fit of rage. She ran around the living room table in this wild, demonic tirade. She disappeared into the kitchen for a second and came out with a cake right out of the oven. I was so confused but never would have guessed that she’d throw the hot dessert against my face. I couldn’t stop crying. Almost as quickly as she started this trance-like behavior she stopped, stared at me straight in my eyes, and with the coldest, scariest voice, said, “Just kidding. I love you.”

I was so hurt by the whole thing.

americaFya

23. He Broke Me

6 months after my boyfriend and I had broken up, he sent me an itemized bill for about $800 of the costs he incurred while we were on a trip together a year before we broke up. It was everything from a couple of hundred dollars for a flight to $16 for a bus ticket. He had put it on his credit card at the time of the trip and I must have asked him 100+ times how much I owed him – to which he answered “don’t worry about it.” Fast forward to a year later and he sent me the bill (coincidentally that is now his nickname). I was a student at the time with a huge amount of student loans and he was making a very healthy six-figure living. I never wanted to evade the cost of the trip – I have always paid my own way, and never wanted to take advantage of anyone. It was just getting tiring asking him how much I owed him when he refused to tell me.

What set me off was the timing of the bill. He knew my financial situation and decided to send it at that point anyway. I scrounged up the funds and sent him the money with the following note:

“I want only to remember the awesome parts of our relationship with the door open for all possibilities, but now I’m finding that sort of difficult. I understand that this is money I owe you, and I’m happy to repay it…but you had countless opportunities to solicit the funds (especially when I prompted you for the number so I could write you a check). The post-breakup timing of this itemized bill email seems petty and lacks class – especially for someone in your financial position. The check is in the mail.”

Oh, and by the way, the reason I broke up with him (among others) is that he cheated on me

24. Lazy, Disorganized, and Messy

My previous ex was the laziest, most unclean and unorganized person I’ve ever met to date. SO is lazy, she didn’t do any laundry, ever. One of her relatives died near the time we got together and she received a huge inheritance (around $50,000), which she proceeded to use to BUY NEW CLOTHES INSTEAD OF DOING HER LAUNDRY.

So, our room is now a disgusting mess of bl**dy underwear and other nasty s**t because there’s a continuous stream of new clothes being soiled and thrown on the floor.

Eventually, I get so angry and tired of this, that one day when she was out (clothes shopping, naturally), I strapped on a pair of rubber gloves and proceeded to jam every nasty article of clothing into her dresser and closet so she would finally have to deal with it.

PLOT TWIST: As soon as she gets home and sees all of her disgusting clothes jammed in all sorts of places, she goes through everything and throws all the clothing back on the floor and proceeds to cuss me out.

Needless to say, we’re not together anymore.

reddituser

25. A Comprehensive Attack

When I left my ex, she decided to run a full smear campaign against me. She called up my work on a weekly basis to tell them about all the death threats I had supposedly sent her and how I was planning on shooting her. She made an entire blog dedicated to slating me and got a (former) friend into bed in order to influence him against me.

She also targeted my friends, she tried on multiple occasions to run some of them over in her 4×4, and in one incident my friend had her children with her.

3 years later when my daughter was born, she addressed a letter to my daughter with a death threat. Imagine opening a letter addressed to a 4-week-old child stating she was going to get choked to death. That’s when I flipped, I called the police and told them if they didn’t stop her, I’d kill her. I haven’t heard anything since. Last I heard she has a new boyfriend and is planning on getting married, I wish him the best of luck.

26. Ways to Die

The day I broke up with my ex… I got into my car and began the 35-minute drive home from her apartment. She started sending me pictures. the first one of a bunch of prescription bottles. The next, an adraw full of knives (not a cutlery drawer in a kitchen… a dresser drawer filled with pocket knives and steak knives and other ‘sharp objects’). The next picture was an Instagram-worthy shot that she HAD SOMEONE ELSE TAKE of her laying on train tracks.

She must have sent me 25-30 photos of various ways she could ‘end it all’ — This wasn’t the first time I attempted to break up with her and she had done similar things in the past, so I didn’t respond to her photos. I did send her dad a text and tell him what was going on, because if she did do something… I’d feel terrible if I ignored it.

I later found out that she swallowed 3 bottles of prescription medicine and attempted to steal her dad’s car. Luckily, he was there waiting when she arrived. She was hospitalized and we still haven’t talked since that day.

27. She Took Action

I dated a girl for a while who in retrospect was probably only dating me for my car, but that’s high school. Anyway, she broke up with me because I “kissed like her brother” Not “kissing me is like kissing a brother.” Apparently, our techniques are exactly the same and it weirded her out.

She then proceeded to date every one of my friends that would say yes until she figured out that I wasn’t jealous. She sprays painted “I love you her name” on her parent’s van and tried to blame it on me, which fortunately I had an airtight alibi so nobody believed her.

reddituser

28. Together in Crime

I broke up with my ex and then a few years later married another gal. Found out that my ex(who by then was also married) had her husband driving her up to where I worked and was stalking me…with her husband’s help!

reddituser

29. Her Name Was Mary

Very well. My ex came home one day and told me that all of the Catholics in the neighborhood wanted her to bear the Christ child for the second coming. Because her name was Mary.

She became very interested in changing her name. She also became fiercely critical of me for the interference: Apparently, my astral body was popping out of me at night and giving her all kinds of invasive h*ll. The stories I could tell you.

30. Gaining an Advantage

First off, I’m diabetic. I had a girlfriend in high school who was upset at me at the time because I was in a play, SHE wanted me to audition for. With no theater experience, I got a big part and she got nothing. She wanted me to quit, but I didn’t. Fast forward to right before the first show. She apologized, offered to buy me an in-n-out meal and then I drove her home. After finishing eating in my car outside her house she grabbed my diabetes equipment ran into her house and locked the door. She screamed; you can’t go now I won’t give it back until you promise to not do the play. I went to the play anyway, feeling like the black guy from Con-air. Luckily her best friend was the stage manager and she convinced her to give it back before I had to go to the hospital.

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