10 Definitive Things You Don’t Need To Apologize For. Do Not Be Afraid To Say “No”!. Many of us often have two problems: how to say no without a twinge of conscience and guilt and how once again we can’t apologize for no reason. Being able to ask for forgiveness is the prerogative of polite and well-mannered people. But sometimes we apologize where it is not necessary. Let’s see in which cases it’s definitely not worth it.
Apologies to the place and out of place: when you should not say “I’m sorry”
The habit of constantly apologizing is a “hello” from childhood. Inability to take care of oneself and respect oneself is a lack of upbringing, which is more common than we would like. Well, it’s time to figure out what’s what.
No. 1. Self-love
By self-love, one should not misunderstand selfishness. First of all, it is about taking care of yourself. Although the letter “I” is at the end of the alphabet, you must remember that no altruism is possible without caring for “I”. Therefore, get used to moving the “I” to the beginning of your personal alphabet. Your own interests, personal good, your, finally, health are things that you should think about first. Therefore, apologizing for taking care of yourself is by no means worth it. Self-sacrifice is not appreciated in our world. Of course, we are not talking about the need to forget about our neighbors. Not. But to follow the advice of the wise philosopher Helvetius about “rational egoism” would be nice.
“Everyone has the right to care and understanding. Whatever he did in the past. ”
From the movie “House of the Sun”
No. 2. Emotions
Have you ever been scolded in childhood for crying or laughing too loudly? Our upbringing gave a striking result – we are ashamed of our emotions. Anyone: laughter, tears, anger … But emotions are a sign of life. Yes, they are not always constructive. But throwing out emotions in time, even if they are destructive, is better than restraining them. Once this mental dam will crack, and you are in danger of drowning in your own feelings. So why allow this?
“Slowly dying is the one who avoids passions”
No. 3. Forgiveness of the enemy
In the history of mankind there were two great moral principles: talion (“tooth for tooth, eye for eye”) and the golden rule of morality. Christianity taught us the latter. The Bible says how important it is to be able to forgive – even enemies and offenders. If you can forgive, you have an incredibly big heart. In addition, forgiveness makes the soul easier and even improves physical health! Why take revenge, be cruel, if it ultimately destroys you?
“Forgive me. And try to be happy! ”
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
No. 4. Principles and priorities
Man is not only a physical shell, a body, it is also a person. And the personality is, in turn, our beliefs, personal position, ideals, principles, etc. The theory of law says: you are free in your beliefs, but your freedom ends where the nose of another person begins. In fact, the strength of the position is a rare and valuable quality that helps to achieve goals and success in life. You have an inner core, so why apologize for this achievement?
“The army of principles will break through where the army of soldiers will not break”
No. 5. Uniqueness
We continue the theme of personality. The main thing that distinguishes a personality is its uniqueness, that is, the dissimilarity of one person to another. Since childhood, we used to hear something like: “Don’t show off,” “It should be,” “Everyone does it,” etc. Strangeness, uniqueness, individuality made us feel shame and awkward. But in fact, the worst thing you can do for yourself is to follow the principle of “as it should be.” He made few people happy.
“There is no second you on earth”
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No. 6. Personal life
Leave the work behind the threshold before you go home. But also leave your privacy behind the closed door of your apartment. No one should poke their nose at how or with whom you spend your leisure time. The most expensive gift we can give is our time, because we measure our life in minutes and hours. If you give this time to someone, then it’s worth it. As they say, it is better to regret what he did than to suffer because he did not.
“The strangest thing is why, in a world where there is war, famine, disease, cruelty, rape, someone worries about what we do in our personal lives after 18 years?”
No. 7. Success and failure
If a person stumbled, made a mistake, failed – this is not a reason to condemn him. And if this person is you, then this is not a reason to condemn yourself and apologize for it. When you take steps in life, make attempts to start a new business, new relationships – it is completely normal that the process does not go smoothly. Fear of childhood – to hear mockery (even worse – mockery behind). But why should you apologize for your courage (yes, it is courage!), Because you have found the courage to try something! A similar situation with success. How many times have you concealed your success because you were afraid of envy, anger from others? We must be able to wave such people a pen in time, because no one, except you, should lead your life! 🙂
“Always try. May everything always end in failure. It does not matter”
No. 8. The past
Man is neither a seer nor a telepath. He cannot know in advance how this or that action will end, whether the relationship will be successful, whether it will be possible to achieve success at work. Think about it: how often do you poke nose “mistakes” of your past? It is not in vain that we have quoted this word in quotation marks. The “mistakes” of the past have made you what you are now: a strong, experienced person, a wise life, able to wait. There are no accidents in life. All moments (even those that caused pain) are the necessary links in one chain. This is what shaped your personality. Appreciate the past, remember it without regret!
“You should not try to get rid of memories, you must learn to live with them”
From the movie “1408”
No. 9. Imperfection
Beauty standards are a relative concept. In Holland in the XVII century a thin woman would be ugly. In the 1990s, all the girls sought to look like thin Kate Moss. By the way, have you watched The Big Bang Theory? If not, be sure to look, you will not regret it! 😉 So, a good phrase sounded there:
“Sometimes it’s the imperfect that makes something perfect”
And this is absolutely true. The gaze clings to imperfect things that make a person unique. Today we observe this in culture: models with vitiligo appear, for example, no one whitens their face, does not hesitate to freckles. So why do you need to apologize for what makes you unique, memorable? After all, in the end, this is your calling card!
No. 10. Love and truth
Science can reveal many secrets of the world, but no one has yet understood what love is. Chemical reaction? God’s gift? An accident? Whatever it is, love pushes people to create works of art, to change, to improve themselves and the world. Of course, sometimes love leads to tragedy – this feeling is so strong. The ability to love is rare, because few people have experienced true love. Therefore, love is not an object of apology and regret, but a reason for joy. They love strong personalities. Just as strong people tell the truth. Therefore, do not be shy about the truth. But if she is very cruel, then it is worth, as Sheldon Cooper said, to sweeten the pill.
“If a person has died, he cannot be stopped loving, damn it. Especially if he was better than everyone else, understand? ”
Bonus Do not be afraid to say no
And finally – a cherry on the cake. Never apologize for leaving a bad relationship, leaving an unloved job, saying no for your interests! Do not apologize if you didn’t go to the party because you wanted to stay home and read a book. Or vice versa: that they left home because they decided to have fun. Taking care of yourself is first of all respect for your own personality. And if you have learned to respect yourself and say no, you should know that you have already become a winner.
“Respect yourself if you want to be respected”
Balthasar Gracian i Morales
Shame, inability to refuse, the habit of apologizing is, as we saw, the product of our upbringing. The legs of these “complexes” (not in the Freudian sense, but in the everyday sense) grow from childhood. Adults remain in the struggle with the “complexes” one-on-one, but but they can protect their child from this fate. As they say: warned, then armed.
Found something useful? Then we advise you to deepen your knowledge on how to say no to people without guilt. And of course, waiting for your comments